


Tell Me What You Don't Want

by flippyspoon



Series: Pour Some Sugar on Me [20]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, boys workin out their shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 17:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14720771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flippyspoon/pseuds/flippyspoon





	Tell Me What You Don't Want

They had barely had a chance to speak much less touch in two days so when Billy finally showed up at Steve’s house for a date, Steve gripped him by his jacket lapels as he walked in the door grinning, and shoved Billy up against the wall, going in for a kiss.  


Billy’s mouth was stiff as Steve pressed it with his own, his chin tipped up and away and immediately Steve realized Billy had gone limp in a way that felt wrong somehow, his arms limp, his hands dropped to his sides. It was all of three seconds before Steve broke away.

“Get off,” Billy growled, pushing Steve back. “Get the fuck off.”

“Whoa, what’s the matter?” Steve said.

“Nothing.” Billy took out a cigarette, blinking rapidly, clearly jumpy. “Let’s go to dinner.”

Billy made for the door and Steve grabbed his arm, “Billy-”

“Get  _off_ me. Just…shut up, let’s go.”

Steve crossed his arms and glared. Billy was still getting used to not being allowed to say things like “shut up” to somebody he was in a real relationship with and now he took a long breath, and rolled his eyes.

“Sorry okay, I didn’t mean… Can we just go, alright? Sorry?” Billy looked at Steve with something approaching panic. “Sorry. I was a dick. Okay?”

“Okay…” Steve said slowly.

“‘Kay,” Billy muttered, and went for the door.

“Yeah but…”

“ _Jesus_.”

“What just happened?”

“I don’t like being pushed!” Billy snapped, spinning around with wide eyes. “Alright? I don’t like being  _shoved_! So don’t do that shit!”

“Okay,” Steve said, nodding quickly. “I get it. I won’t ever do it again.”

“I just…” Billy swallowed. “My dad shoves me like that and I don’t… It’s not sexy or whatever. To me. I hate that!”

“Yeah,” Steve said. “Alright. No shoving.”

Billy nodded to himself but things still felt a little off as if the conversation wasn’t quite over and outside as they walked to the Camaro, Steve said, “Is there anything else? Like that? Shit you don’t like? That you haven’t told me about?” He stopped on the front walk so that Billy had to stop too. “You should tell me.”

“Jesus Christ,” Billy said. “I’m not made of fucking glass, Steve. Just cause my dad knocks me around! Why’d I even tell you about it! I’m not a pussy, okay!”

Steve huffed a little. It was hard not to get impatient sometimes when Billy was like this.

“No one’s saying you are,” Steve said, his tone maybe too harsh. “Just trying to be…a good boyfriend. I’m so sorry I’m trying to be good to you. Christ.”

“Well, that’s real fuckin’ sweet,” Billy growled, scowling as he got in the car. “But just let it go already.”

Things were quiet and tense in the car as they pulled out onto the road and finally Steve said quietly, “I dunno why you get so pissed when I’m just trying to be  _nice_.”

Billy didn’t say anything.

“And just ‘cause…” Steve licked his lips. “Just ‘cause you don’t like me doing something that fucking hurts you, it’s not like that makes you a pussy. Okay?”

Billy didn’t say anything. He stared ahead at the road.

“Billy,” Steve said.

“Billy!” Steve said again. “Are you fucking listening?”

Billy didn’t say anything and Steve slammed his hand on the dashboard. “DON’T FUCKING DO THAT!”

He screamed it so loud that Billy swerved the car and then he carefully (for him) pulled over, breathless, and stared at Steve. “Steve, what the  _fuck_?”

“Don’t fucking do that,” Steve hissed. “Don’t pretend I’m not talking, like I’m not here and I’m fucking invisible! I hate that shit! Don’t do that!”

Billy blinked at him, startled into some kind of negotiation and he said, “Alright. Jesus.” He shook his head and pulled back out onto the road and things felt less tense albeit strange.

“When I was a kid,” Steve said, “if I tried to talk to my parents and they didn’t happen to feel like talking to me they’d pretend I just wasn’t there. I actually thought I was invisible sometimes for a while. Like I had a superpower but I didn’t how to work it. Hell, they still do that. Just…don’t ever do that. Even joking.”

They were silent in the car again and Steve said, speaking quietly, carefully: “We’ve told each other a lot of shit, ya know? And I would never tell anybody anything you said. I just…don’t want to hurt you. Ever. Even by accident.”

They’d reached the pizza place in Hawkins they’d decided on for dinner and Billy pulled over but he didn’t make a move to get out of the car, staring ahead at the mostly deserted street in the dark night.

Billy frowned and tapped the steering wheel and eventually he said softly, “You’re not invisible.”

“Well, I know that now,” Steve said lightly. He smiled a little but when he looked at Billy there were tears in his eyes. “Hey. What is it? Please? Tell me?”

“You know…” Billy cleared his throat. “Couple weeks ago, ya know, we were going at it kinda rough?”

“You don’t like that?” Steve said. “I thought-”

“No, I do,” Billy said quickly. “Ya know, sometimes hell yeah. I mean… I like the other way too.” He turned a little red. The “other way” meant the soft sweet way Steve usually made love to him but in the right mood things got hard and fast and much less gentle. “Just… “

“You can tell me,” Steve said.

“We were on the floor,” Billy said slowly. “And you…shoved my head down on the floor, on the carpet…” He wiped his eyes and said, “Pushed my head down on the ground. Don’t do that. On the bed either.”

“Shit,” Steve whispered. “Wish I’d known that.”

“S’okay,” Billy said, sniffing. “It’s not the end of the world. Just don’t.”

“I knew something was wrong that night,” Steve said. “You just took off after.”

“When I was little, if I spilled something on the carpet…” Billy shook his head. “He’d ya know…shove my head down like that. It…hurt. And it was… scary as hell if you’re a lil kid.”

“Yeah,” Steve murmured, and turned his head to look at Billy. “Should I…should I not touch your face or-”

“No, I mean…I like the way you touch me,” Billy said, speaking so quietly Steve had to lean in further. “Usually. Like it a lot.”

Steve reached up, careful and slow, to cradle Billy’s cheek and stroke that slightly stubbly skin with his thumb; gentle, soft, sweet… It had taken Billy a  while to admit how much he liked things that way, that it was something he’d sniffed out from Steve even if he also liked tough, badass monster-fighting Harrington too. Billy ducked his head and they kissed carefully and then with some intention before Billy rested his forehead against Steve’s and they sat in the car for a bit with all the time in the world between them.

“You’re a good boyfriend,” Billy murmured. “Like…really good. I… _want_ to be a good boyfriend too. For you.”

“You’re doing pretty good, babe,” Steve said, smiling against his lips. “If you think about where you started.” Billy chuckled, a little self-deprecating and Steve hugged him tight and kissed his cheek. “We’re both doing pretty good.”


End file.
